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Satire: New Social Change Startup Promises “Fry-Dom” For All

By Griffin Guinta


From Tembo Education to OmniMrkt, UT’s entrepreneurship program has built up quite the reputation for producing fantastic social enterprises. As the race for next year’s Hult Prize heats up, there’s another startup gearing up to make a splash this fall: FryDom. Created by two hungover students at the grille, Card Stevenson and Mac Austinland, FryDom is making its mission to ensure no human being in the world is deprived of french fries.

“Look, there are people in this world that don’t even know what a french fry is,” Stevenson said. “That bothers me tremendously.”

Upset at the prospect of someone going their entire life without even knowing what a french fry was, Stevenson urged his friend Austinland to collaborate on a revolutionary business endeavor.

Providing free consumption of fries will be no easy feat, as problems of accessibility, transportation, and of course, financial insecurity, are all major roadblocks on the path to universal frydom. Luckily, Stevenson and Austinland feel they have the right ingredient to convince the Hult Prize judges to give them the grant. Their multi-faceted approach includes increasing the potato output of every country by over 300 percent to ensure that fry production is at maximum capacity. Additionally, the group has forged partnerships with major chains like McDonald’s, Five Guys, and Wendy’s to vary up the distribution.

“Look, we want people to have a good first experience with french fries,” Stevenson said. “We’re in pursuit of the fry with the best consistency, flavor and salt-ratio, and we believe these three chains excel in those categories.”

Even if they do win the million-dollar Hult Prize grant, the duo needs to boost their overall capital and income in order to reach Earth’s burgeoning population of about 7 billion. In doing so, they’ve resorted to doing weekend car washes, lemonade stands in Vaughn, and even lottery tickets. So far, the group has an operating budget of about $5.77, though Stevenson claims that number will dramatically increase after he gets his next paycheck from Dunkin Donuts.

Once the money is raised, the two will assemble their “sizzle-squad,” a team of Tampa’s brightest frying minds, and venture into countries nearing low scores on the GFI (Global Fry Intake) scale. The first country that they will visit is, ironically, France.

Despite their comprehensive plan, naysayers are popping up left and right. UT Entrepreneurship Professor Dr. Ihait Fryes says their plan is destined to fail.

“I’m disappointed to say that these are my students. If they think they’re going to win the Hult Prize with this idea they’re out of their minds,” he said. “But chicken tenders…now that’s a winning idea.”

**This is an April Fool’s satirical piece and is not meant to be taken too seriously.

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