“Help! My boyfriend is terrible at oral sex. What do I say that will make it better without hurting his feelings?” -Debbie Downtown Downer
Maybe he isn’t quite Ben Affleck in “Gone Girl” or Ryan Gosling in “Blue Valentine,” but have no fear. There’s still hope for you and your boyfriend yet. Not everyone is a natural, but with lots of communication and a few new tricks you can both find your happy place. Before you sit him down for a talk consider a few things you can try first to make the experience more enjoyable for everyone.
First of all, get comfy. You’re not going to enjoy anything if you’re not relaxed and in the right state of mind to be with him. Also be sure that he’s going down on you because he wants to, not because he feels like he has to. Nothing in sex should ever feel like a chore, and if one person isn’t feeling it, the other probably won’t either. Switching up positions can help to find something comfortable for the both of you that’s still new and exciting. Men’s Fitness recommends ladies put a pillow under their backsides to help relax and to give their partner more leverage.
Better than the most comfortable position or the fluffiest pillow is the communication between you and your boyfriend. Don’t be afraid to tell him what you really like or what just isn’t working. A little encouragement can go a long way. Telling him you don’t like something might seem awkward, but instead of saying “No, I don’t like that,” you could try guiding him back to a place that feels good for you.
While he might not be the best, make sure your boyfriend doesn’t literally suck (unless you’re into that). You’re a ripe peach, not a jawbreaker. Some guys tend to just do to girls what they like done to themselves, but the golden rule doesn’t exactly apply here. Male and female anatomy are entirely different, and have varying reactions to some of the same sensations. With a little guidance and a lot of patience you’ll be able to get him going in the right direction.
Remember, oral sex isn’t a marathon or a sprint. If he’s a touch-and-go kind of guy, it may be because he doesn’t think he’ll make you orgasm or he’s taking too long. In reality the finish line shouldn’t be the focus. Take your experience as more of a “walk in the park,” and just have fun making each other feel good.
Neither of you should be worried about an “end result,” but with a little extra help it can be much more attainable. If you and your boyfriend are both comfortable with it, try bringing a vibrator into the mix. A toy will help him get more familiar with the key points in your body that like attention, and a little power can be an incredible change of pace. If toys are too intimidating, there are hundreds of lotions and lubricants on the market that can offer flavors for him and sensations for both of you to enjoy.
Hopefully with a few new tips (and maybe a toy or two) your boyfriend should improve his technique. Good luck, and if you’d like, don’t forget to return the favor.
Selene San Felice can be reached at email@example.com
Need advice from our Sex and Love columnist? Want us to cover something specific? Go to http://ask.fm/MinaretLoveAdvice and send in your questions anonymously.