Originally I asked students to talk about their best and worst hookups of 2010, but I quickly realized that most were more inclined to share their dating horror stories.
With many lengthy responses, I have edited them down the best five. Here’s to hoping 2011 has less cats, hot cars and committed one night-stands.
Is Something Burning?
Ever hookup on the hood of a car? If you ever get the chance to, done right, it could be fabulous … Just remember to turn the car off at least 5 minutes before said hookup takes place – the engine gets mighty hot, henceforth so does the hood. That much heat on one’s back hurts.
Trust me. – B.G.
The Craigslist Killer
I met this dude online. Summer break in my hometown can get desperate. I drove to his place and as soon as we walked up the steps to his apartment the smell of cats got stronger and stronger.
Figuring it came from another apartment, I said nothing.
Upon entering his apartment I was met by five cats and their litter boxes lined up by the door. Not to mention he was also a hoarder.
There were no lights, but I could still see the entire apartment was spray-painted with these cave-like, childlike pictures. There were flies swarming over the dishes in the kitchen.
The door to his living room had a hole instead of a door knob.
Things started to get a little physically intense between us, but (thank God) he somehow excels at this.
With the cats crawling around us, I suggest we move somewhere else, but he says he’s waiting for someone.
Wait. What? It turns out his day job is selling drugs from his living room.
Once we’re alone again he shows me some sketches. I find out he was arrested for vandalism, but he’s changed his tag and is still practicing his graffiti.
Eventually his roommate comes home and we move to the bedroom. There are no sheets on his bed. He seems surprised I request he find some sheets.
He does. They are leopard print. Lovely. But, whatever, he’s a freaking god. After this I’m starving so we go out to eat and I have to pay.
I think that’s the closest to hiring a male hooker I will ever come to. I never saw him again. – A.B.
Well, That Was Fast
One time I went on a date to this run-down bar and played pool with this fat, hairy, not-so-cute version of Jason Segel. He began stalking me. I had to fall off the face of the earth. – K.G.
So Much For That Tradition
Each year I’m home for break I end up in my longtime ex’s bed. It’s kind of a New Year’s tradition. This year we spent an entire day (and night) of foreplay. After around 24 hours we were finally in his bed and getting down and dirty.
He stopped all of a sudden and told me he couldn’t do it because he’s “taken.” I’m still not sure what shocked me more: that my ex was telling me about this relationship or that he felt the need to tell me while he was “taking” me.
All I could do was try to sweep my pride off the floor and get dressed, with as much dignity as possible and ask him to take me home.
So much for New Year’s traditions. – L.S.
Send Eric your anonymous love, sex and relationship questions to ezornUT@gmail.com. Make sure your subject box contains the phrase “UTampa.”
Make sure that you are always practicing safe sex. For more information about staying safer visit the Planned Parenthood website of FAQ’s about safer sex.