We live in a time of great change. The entire world strives toward a more progressive society. Equality is key to this progress, especially between the sexes.
However, we have an inherent problem with this situation of equality between sexes. By our very nature, the sexes are genuinely different from each other. Each is biologically and psychologically more capable at certain things than the other. This is simply Nature expressing Her individuality through us. So, there will naturally be an inequality between men and women. It is our job as progressive members of this new era to correct this imbalance by a means of give and take.
Allow me to illustrate just one point. Women. The fairer sex. You delicate flowers have an amazing ability that all men envy. If we were women, we would unashamedly abuse this power.
Most of you know full well what this godly gift is. Women, you have the ability to get free drinks at bars by just being women.
Ladies, when you go out, you don’t necessarily need a wallet full of cash. Leave the credit card at home, too. You’ve got all you need attached to your chest. Those bad boys, those sweater puppies, are worth far more than their weight in gold, plutonium or rum with Coke.
Most every lady has done it, and like I said earlier, we men would absolutely abuse this power, too. It’s okay, girls, you’re just doing what you have to do to get by. You sit by the bartender, give him a little wink or a smile and BOOM, you’re hooked up for the rest of the night. And if not the bartender, some poor sap will be seduced by your siren song and bring you offerings of MGD or Jaeger bombs.
But, remember, ladies, we’re striving toward an equal society. Just as I said this power you all possess is not an evil thing, but one cannot overlook the tipping of the gender scale it causes.
So allow me to make a proposal. Let’s tip the scales back to an equal setting. Now, to do this we either must give men something or take something away from women. And giving is always harder than taking, my friends. It’s a complicated process figuring out what exactly one should give because, essentially, the possibilities are endless. But with taking, there are a finite number of choices. Far simpler, yes? So for the sake of this argument, let’s assume we must take something from women to balance our gender scale.
Might I propose women’s right to vote? Who really needs that anyway? Voting is essentially a fruitless process; one vote doesn’t change anything. Besides, with all these drinks you ladies are getting for free, do we really want to risk serious decision making to a bunch of drunkards?
Yes, I believe women’s suffrage is the perfect choice. Here’s another way to look at it. Getting free drinks and voting are very similar in what they accomplish. Voting is a way to change how society runs. You voice your opinion to alter laws. The public’s majority opinion wins out.
Ladies, you already do this when you get free drinks. You change how society runs. You enter a place of trade where money is exchanged for food, drink and services. However, you change this system by voicing your opinion— not literally voicing it but presenting your case (with your boobies)—and the majority opinion (i.e. that of the bartender/dude at the bar and you) wins out (if you both agree, you get a drink. If he does not share your opinion, it’s a tie and you pay up. However, this rarely happens).
See? You ladies already change society in your own way. You bypass the fundamental laws of trade. Do you really think you should be able to voice your opinions in other public matters, too? Let’s not get selfish here.
Removing women’s right to vote is just society stepping in to balance out what Mother Nature skewed through biology. I hope you all will consider my proposition. If we, the United States, lead in this new society, the rest of the world may well follow. Let’s hope for a more equal tomorrow.
Oh, and ladies, you can’t drive worth crap.
Shannon Grippando can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.