After the glitter of engagement rings and weddings, marriage requires communication. Leland Francisco / Flickr
It has come to my attention that a class here at UT has been following my articles and I thought this one would directly relate to the subject they are studying: marriage.
Ah, marital bliss. I am very proud that my parents just celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary.
Growing up in a family where my parents seem to have a pretty healthy marriage has given me a conservative Christian perspective from the Midwest.
However, as old fashioned as I may be and I know that I have “soul-mate” out there, I also believe that everyone has the right to be married.
Marriage is something that transcends race, ethnicity, gender and socio-economics. It is a union between two people and I believe they should consider themselves life partners.
Marriage is also something I believe is changing in the eyes of the next generation. I don’t think many of us can say our grandparents were divorced, but our parents are a different story. Has something gone wrong that we can’t also have long lasting relationships?
I fear what may come of marriage as our generation ME is about to be the next wave of white dresses, fancy cake and bridezillas.
Our values have changed to be more self-serving, which there is nothing wrong with that in order to move ahead in this world, but what about the basics of love?
Now don’t get me wrong, though I don’t at times understand divorce, I understand it is sometimes necessary. No one should be in a marriage with someone who is abusive, cheating, lying or just cruel.
But for petty things, communication is key and I hope couples will work things out rather than just jump to the “solution” of divorce.
I hope that we can go back to wanting to be with one person exclusively and enter in to marital bliss.
Now I also believe that race and gender shouldn’t matter in marriage. Everyone should have the chance to be happy with their “soul-mate.”
I know that today some churches aren’t allowing interracial marriage or gay marriage. As an Asian-American I will admit to never liking an Asian boy so far, I hope everyone will be ok when I marry someone of a different race.
In regards to gay marriage, I firmly support it. However, I do not support forcing churches to honor those marriages.
Religions are able to decide what they do and do not want to support, forcing them to think one way is no different than them forcing us to think one way.
If you truly have an issue with your current denomination or religion and what they stand for, then you should consider leaving, not pitching a fit about it.
Now what do I think it takes to have a good marriage? Everyone will have different answers but here are a few things I think need to be in a happy healthy marriage.
I think that both parties need to be honest, though at times difficult, honesty builds trust, another a key thing a marriage needs. Laughter is also important; if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone I hope there will be a ton of wonderful memories filled with laughter.
Another thing that I think is important are similar values. This doesn’t mean interests necessarily, but rather what you want out of your faith, what you find as right and wrong, etc. Similar interests are nice as you can go on outdoor adventures together or cuddle and read books. But different interests are things to really admire in another person as well as something to learn from.
Love is defined differently by all marriages, but at the heart of them needs to be an undeniable love (that is unique to that couple) that will carry them till death do they part.
I hope when you meet your “soul mate,” you will be ready to be in an everlasting happy committed marriage.
Heather Gromley can be reached at hgroms@gmail.com.
