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It’s come to my attention I have apparently been unfair in my commentaries’mdash;unfair in the sense that whenever I discuss women and men, I focus primarily on women.
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Of course, I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on my perspective from both sides, especially from women, but recently a male reader proposed I might write about the guys to create positive change.
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People are beginning to think I’m anti-man; I’m simply anti-bad men.
I will admit one mistake: in my haste to highlight what a man should not do, I failed to describe what a gentleman looks like.
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So, I followed the swoons, and they led me to my dear, old friend, Tanner White. He’s been described as an ‘anomaly’ in terms of his kindness. When I was auctioning a seat next to him at an SG meeting, a girl said he was one of the only true gentlemen she knew on campus.
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I always know when he’s coming because of the gaga eyes everyone around me gets (I’m actually sort of jealous). To be fair, he is kind beyond the likes of any guy my age.
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So, I decided to have a real conversation with him on the subject. What does it mean to be a man? Is chivalry dead? What the heck are guys about?
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The Media
NR: Do you think there is any pressure put on men by society/media for men to act a certain way?
TW: Absolutely. The way the dating structure is set up is so that it puts men in the position to ask women out and pursue them. Not necessarily once the relationship is established, but men are usually given the role of seeking out women.
NR: Do you like that? Do think it should be the other way around?
TW: It depends on what context you put that in. I don’t necessarily think that it should always be that way.
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How Women Are Treated
NR: It was in a recently brought up how the media/porn skews the view of how men see women, and how they are supposed to be treated and approached. To what extent do you agree with that comment? Do you think that this is reflected in our generation?
TW: I don’t think that it serves as a way to treat women in the real world but I think that it definitely skews the way that a man views a woman. I was recently mentoring high school students on the subject and we addressed pornography because it is an issue. You don’t go from seeing a certain sex one way on your own and totally disconnect that with the way that you are supposed to treat women on the outside.
These elements cause men to look at women as objects and this sometimes causes them to equate women to what they see in pornography. So then they look at women in a lustful sense and everything that the relationship is isbuilt up on is based on the guy using the other as a means to an end rather than her being an end in herself.
So the media manipulates some of our minds to view women and men as only sexual objects.
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Chivalry
NR: Do you think that chivalry is dead?
TW: No.
NR: Why do you think that it is not dead?
TW: Because I practice it. And I won’t let it die.
TW: I think it is the decision of every man to choose to or choose not to.
NR: How do you practice it?
TW: I believe it’s a mind set rather than a series of actions. But the way that chivalry is manifested is through simple acts and I believe that love is best expressed through simple acts. That is shown through the classic holding of doors, to the pulling out of chairs or even standing up when a woman comes to the table- that may be foreign to a lot of people.
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Inside Men’s World
NR: Why do think that women like to go for the ‘bad guy’? Do believe that fact is true?
TW: Absolutely. But I think that the idea of the bad boy has to do with confidence and not caring about what people think.
NR: What is one thing about men that really bothers you?
TW: The fact that they are overly immoral and okay with it. I just think that it is utterly ridiculous the way we term ‘chasing (ahem you know another word for’hellip;feline) and getting girls is just commonly accepted in our culture. It is incredibly unintelligent and if you were to ask them if they wanted to give their actions and morals up to their mothers or sisters, they immediately are appalled with themselves.
NR: So they wouldn’t want a man to treat their mothers/daughters/ sisters as they treat women in their own lives?
TW: No.
NR: What secret can you let the woman audience in on about guys that you don’t want us to know without completely breaking the ‘guy code’?
TW: I think it’s a secret because girls shouldn’t know. I’m not telling you what it is.
NR: Is there anything that you would like the male audience to know?
White: Well there’s a lot of things (laughter). I’m just trying to think of a way to word it, swallow your pride and get a sense of what it’s like to chase life instead of ass.
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This gentleman, is a reminder, I think of why women should not flock to the Chris Brown’s or ‘d-bags’ of the world. We should set men to higher standards because as Mr. White displays on a daily basis, they can be met (and, no, I didn’t make him up).
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I want to thank any guy out there who respects himself and others. And I want to thank all of you for reading my work this year. I encourage you to be anti- bad girl or guy with me from this point on because the good people are out there waiting to treat you the way that you should be treated.
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Nicole Robinson may be reached at nrobinson@ut.edu.
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